Stuff

Here I am. Actually decided to go to school this morning. I wasn't going to, but I figured if I miss it it'll suck more to make it up. I'm not doing my shit ton of homework, but oh well. I'll just have to stay up all night. Again. It's so nice today. I'm just chillin. Hmm...watchin Oprah, wishin I were rich. Anyone wanna give me money? Dave came over last night. I spent 45 minutes crying in my room in the dark and cutting to make it stop before he came over around 10:30. He's so good; he just held me, ran his fingers through my hair and said "I'm here, don't worry." He held me like that and I fell asleep. Too bad that he left around midnight. But I felt immensely better. I was thinking last night, and I thought about some things I hadn't thought of in awhile, and analyzing that now, it really makes sense. I've been used a lot. At 12, a 20 year old guy felt me up. And I let him do it basically all summer since I went to the pool every day and that's where he was. I liked that a boy/man finally liked me. Looking back now, I realize how wrong it was. Then after that I met a guy who used me, and another and another until I luckily found Dave. I feel like such a whore when I think of all that. And my mother does nothing but remind me of it. She never saw how much I hurt inside, how insecure, how much I just needed someone to love me. She just constantly berates me, tells me what horrible things I've done, how I've made her life hell. But enough of that. Im gonna try to be happy :D