What A Freakin Day

Jeez, I just had a shitty day. I spent the day basically wasting time at school. Ended up doing nothing in like 5 classes. Of 8. Couldn't start my poster, so I just read a book. For 5 hours. And I felt weird all day like I don't belong anywhere. I was mad at myself because I didn't bring my purse to school so I could cut cuz I felt so bad. So I came home, went to my room, put on my headphones to drown out the world, and did my arm some more. God, I'm getting bad. I didn't tell Dave. Dave thinks everything's fine. I feel so bad. I don't want to make him sad, and it makes him so sad when he knows. I have to start that project, but I just want to sit here in my sweats and cry. I feel like everything's falling apart. I just don't know what to do. I have so much shit to think about, so much shit to do, places to be, stuff I keep forgetting. *sighs*Oh yeah, and even more wonderful, I was sitting at lunch, and we were talking about where this girl, Jessica, is now since she dropped out of school. I used to work with her, so I know she's pregnant, and trying to get an abortion. So then we were all, How could you do that? and I could never do that. I took this opportunity to bring up the morning after pill, and asked Kristen what she thought. "Oh my God, I could never ever do that. I'd feel so bad! You should have to deal with what you do." So yeah, I felt just freakin great after that. I didn't want to do it, but it was really complicated. Dave wanted me to, so he felt better, and he got the damn thing, so when he wanted me to take it and looked like he was gonna cry, what was I supposed to do? I cried after I took it, and he held me, and I got sick, and he held me. It's over now. I still feel shitty when I think of it. It's just worse knowing that one of your friends would look down on you even more if she knew.So now I think I'm gonna take a little nap or something before I start my poster/presentation. I need one. Hopefully I wake up and don't sleep all night though. Jeez.